Diabla

Tomorrow I will weigh myself and  it will be the moment of truth. I still have not weighed myself since the last time and I really hope to be as close to 220 as possible. Honestly I don’t feel any thinner so I am not sure what to epect.. I have been hungry, grouchy and had lots of headaches so it better all pay off.

I’ve slipped a little and my weakness has been at the end of the night, after a perfect day of dieting I wind up taking a bite or two, or three of something I am not suppsoe to have! I know the calories probably arent going to ruin anything too much, but they are super fatty foods loaded with fat grams and I am suppose to stay within 20-30 fat grams  a day! I need more discipline at night. Several bites of those foods equal like 20 fat grams alone and add that to the other 20 or 30 I had all day already!!!

Besides always being hungry, the heartburn, headaches and moodiness, dieting can be fun. I enjoy thinking about what I will have and how I will prpepare it lowfat. It really makes preparing food a little funner and makes me apprecaite my meals alot more. At the same time it deos consume alot of my time, all I can think about is food! …………….What I will eat………….when I will eat……………. how much I will eat…. and how much I have eaten!!!

2 days left until my weigh in & new pictures… I am so nervouse of what I will see on the scale. Weightloss had been stuck without budging for what seems like forever now!  I have been fairly good overall on my diet, regardless- if I have been a little over 1200 calories or over 20 fat grams - EVERY DAY has been better than what I was eating prior to starting my diet!

The 10lbs I have lost so far have been a great start to my New Years and once the 1st of the month rolls around its time to get really seriouse which means abiding by my Food Tracker daily and WORKING OUT!!!

This summer I dont want to hide in pants on the beach too embarrassed to even wear shorts pretending I dont feel like getting in the water… I may not be quite at tank top weight by then ( never a bikini due to stretch marks ) , but I should definately be able to wear shorts!

Yesterday ended well after all! Yippie! Still didnt really work out tho. Today has gone well! I cross my fingers that when I finally get on the scale in a few days theres great News on it! I just wanna run over n weigh myself, but its too soon.. I dont want anything to ruin the excitement. In just a few days I’ll have been on my diet a whole month and it will also be time for new pics…I am taking pics of myself at the end of every month to see progress..

If there are any newbies out there or others struggling to start, I just want to let you know it only gets easier! !!!! Once you are a few days in to it, you just get motivated and exited and really does get easier!!!! Yes we all still crave goodies, but its ok to have a little splurge once in a while. The key is to change your overall eating lifestyle. The hardest part is starting the diet, once your past that hump the road gets smoother!

Well, with that said I really hope I don’t fall off the wagon and wind up having to remind myself! I have just gotten so big and I am so uncomfortable with the way I feel and look it was time for a change.. I had been used to being attractive, even if I was not the skinniest I looked good, and even better than the skinnier ones most of the time   ; )~     but now its just FAT FAT FAT. The Fat has drowned out all my looks… I cant wait to feel attractive again…. 

Today has gone very well with my eating.. I’m back to eating the way I used to before I met my boyfriend years ago and I feel so much better about myself. Prior to meeting him I always dieted but overall I never really ate cheese, mayo, butter , sour cream and such fatty food before I met him. I never snacked so much and my portions were smaller but I met him and not to blame it all on him , but it changed the way I ate and look at me now!!! … He eats all those things and likes to eat! Well I have gotten back to cutting out those foods which in the long run are more than a diet, its a healthier way of eating and lifestyle. I think I honestly just got burnt out on junk food, I had the 2 back to back pregnancies and dieted a little afterwards but then didnt diet at all for almost a year and I just ate whatever whenever i wanted and after a while I have to say it wsa all just “blah” and I was sick of it. I had tried all he junk food out there and was not impressed anymore and it bacme repetitive. Don’t get me wrong, it tastes great most of it and today I craved McDonalds, but overall thats the way it should be. We should eat the junk food when we crave it in moderation and as treat perhaps but not as way of everyday eating! And I’m proud of me, I did not go to McDonalds.  =)

I started using my Food Journal today and I am just under 1200 calories and 20 grams of fat which I have been working at being my goal. overall if I go a little over that, and I will some days, especially the Fat grams, not a big deal, but my best days are going to come from watching those figures. I am hungry, but its 2 hours or so from bedtime so I hope to make it but if not, I did not quite reach 1200 calories so really I could go eat an apple or something. I will use my Food journal going forward everyday because it makes it so much easier to really know exaclty what I am eating and how much. If not for the tracker, I wold have ate a bag of wheat thins, but I tallied up the calories and realized I had better not do that so it really does help to keep the journal!

 Maybe tonite I will actually squeeze that mini work out in! I did not weigh myself today, I am just torturing myslef in doing so.. I will wait until the 1st which is going to be the big moment of truth to see just how close I have gotten to 220…. and see just where my New Year will start!

Well , I am still hopeful. Today went well with eating. I just had dinner and I did add just a tad of cheese and had a little more than I had wanted to eat but o well it was all still a healthy day. I weighed myself this morning and I was not impressed. The weight just won’t budge at all now.  As you can guess, yes -i have a very slooooooooow metabolism and I am the type of person that simply looks at a donut and gains the weight, i don’t even have to eat it…. and thats how my weightloss goes.

I still have the goal in mind to work out a little tonite, but I’ve been so down I don’t know if I’ll be motivated enough. I also hope I dont wound up needing to snack on anything more at all tonite, I think I’m right at my limit for calories today. i have not actually kept a food journal counting the calories but I do plan to. I have been eyeballing it since I am pretty knowledgae about weight and servings from all the past dieting. But the food journal will keep me right on track and in the past it was a great success to other diets. I plan on really kicking it in to gear for the New Year and I have been trying to get prepared. I made a Food Journal tracker, a weight loss tracker and I have made a Favorites Recipes Menu with all recipes re-wrote in lowfat versions and now I just need to calculate how much calories and Fat they have for quick planning when figuring what to eat.

Well, 5 days till the New Year, I cross my fingers to see good news on the scale soon.   

Well, as you can see , I did post a picture-kind of… I blurred out the face to keep myself still somewhat hidden… but I figured this way theres at least a body to go with the journey and story and for anyone out there who is on the journey of weightloss with me can follow along the progress. I am a visual person so I figured the picture would help. 

Today went fairly well I suppose.. until I got home and was confronted with yestrday’s left overs.. I had a bite here and there and had a mini cheese cake dessert in the end…. I just couldn’t help it.. I am not sure overall where the calorie intake ends up, but hopefully its still decent enough… I was suppose to work out but I got busy. damn.

I soooo wanted to weigh myslef after yesterdays disaster to see what the damage has been but I held off, I know if its not good I will be miserable for days. I now have about 6 days to get to the 220 I had wanted to be at the New Year’s mark, likely not going to happen. I cant complain too much tho because I did get a head start anyhow with the 10lbs lost this month. I just need to work out to boost this weightloss and tone up too..

I can still remember when the first fat rolls started to appear I was soo  ashamed and would try so hard to hide them… then the cellulite came in and I was horrified and tried every cream…Funny - now I just accept it.  I do hate it and do try to avoid everyone I know I havent seen for a while from seeing what I have become but I did stop fighting the rolls and lumpy skin a long time ago…. However I cant wait to loose them, I cant wait…..Until then, I will continue to avoid the family gatherings and avoid hanging out anywhere someone might see me like this. It sounds awful but that is how I feel about myself. I am not an ugly person emotionally or looks, but the fat overtakes and shadows everything and I feel the only thing anyone sees is FAT…regardless of how I might do my hair, what I might wear or how I act - theres a big banner across me that blocks all and reads ***FAT*** on it.

Well I knew it would happen and it did….. I ate and ate, oh and then I ate some more! Yep-all those really bad things I really should not be eating at all-I ate them! But shockingly enough, even tho truly deep down inside I really wish I would not have, it is still ok! That because on my diet I have allowed myself one Reward day per month - meaning 1 day out of the month I can just eat whatever I want and I chose today ;)     (we celebrated Chrsitamas today-I work tomorrow)  So , I do know this will set me back, god knows how much , I wont dare weigh myself tomorrow…. but as long as I pick up where I started back tomorrow, it will still be ok - oh and that Rib Roast was SOOOO GOOOOD!!! The worst part is tho, there are tons of left overs I can not touch again after today or take to lunch tomorrow-DARN!

I weighed myslef today- I am about 1 week away from having been on a diet a whole month now, and I havent lost another pound. Not one tiny little pound more!!! AAARGGH!! I have been soooo good too (except today) and sooo hungry all the time and NOTHING!!! I lost the 10lbs and am stuck there.. errr.. I really wanted to be at 120 to kick off the new year! I guess that means I really need to try to make more time to work out becuase I do a little but its not much and not everyday, I think that is going to be the Key to loosing weight a little faster.. I guess as long as I can continue to loose 10lbs a month I will be content, but I really wish I could push it to like 12 and how nice 15 would be! Well today really didn’t help at all did it !!!

Anyways - hope everybody else’s diet is going well and don’t forget - if you eat alot today or even tomorrow it will be ok - just pick up whrere you left off the next day! Remember you didnt loose the weight in one day and you wont gain it back in one day either ; )   ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ MERRY CHRISTMAS~*~ *~ *~*~*~*~*~

First of all, I WILL POST A PIC - I promise. If you are anything like me-you need a face to go with the blog. However, not yet. I am very embarrassed of my weight and am still playing it “Secret Squirl” and I would hate for anyone I know to happen to run across this and go “OH MY GOD! YOU WEIGH XXX !!!! ” Sooooo.. anyways a little about me…….I have been chubby my whole life, fluctuating in weight throughout and dieting as far back as I can remember. I have had eating disorders to go with it as well which I hope never to fall back upon-never hospitalized tho-not that extreme but a few small medical issues came of it.

In about 2002, I weighed at what at that time had been my heaviest - 189! ( I would love to weigh that now! ) After thinking I would be cute and taking a picture on Santa’s lap and then seeing myslef in the picture -I was bigger than Santa!!!  I went on a massive diet and in a few months got down to about 110 lbs. ( by the way no one ever saw that picture! ) Yea- look at me now & you would never beleive I weighed that- thank god I have tons of pictures to prove it! That weight might have been over doing it a bit and I dont know that I would ever be that thin again…… Anyhow, slowly the weight came back… I topped at 190 or so again by 2005 and then got down to 175 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. 2 weeks after delivery I weighed about 230. I went back on a diet right away and it went very well and in about 3 months I was about 195 or so when I found out I was prgnant again! with my son!  2 weeks after that delivery I weighed about 130′ish again! I lost a little weight I think down to like 120 or so but then fell off the diet wagon and gained it back and havent dieted since last summer and thank god when I weighed in a few weeks ago I was only at 236 or so cuz I felt like I was 300 lbs! So as you read yesterday, I have lost 10 lbs-YIPPIE! My main goal is about 135 - I would live to weigh less and I would love to do so by June - but realistically I need to take it one day at a time.

I hope the journal helps keep me on track as well as reading other blogs… Honestly, my biggest most recent motivation, corny as it may sound - is to also be able to post a Before and After weightloss story! With a video! I dunno why, but I was so motivated when reading other peoples stories on the web- I thought to myself : ” I want one of those! ” And there it is. I took a picture when I started a few ago and will do so after every month to show progression of weight loss..  I will at some point post them up, as well as the ones when I was 110 which I keep on my fridge now!!!….

I will try to write a blog in here daily but u know how that goes, but to any readers out there, I will definately keep you posted as I hope to motivate others thorughout my journey as they have motivated me!

This is my first day writing a bloh here, I joined almost a month ago and I have kept a journal on my computer…. I have lost about 10lbs since starting my diet on November 30th… Not as fast of weight loss as I had hoped, but good overall. I started a diet to kick off my new years resolution early!