Diabla

        Tomorrow is the big day! Weigh-in day! And New pics day, which I will post here. Today’s eating was going well overall until my boyfriend asked me to warm him up some frozen burritos ( beef and bean ) and he took forever to actually eat them, I was trying to be good but my Zucchini was taking too long to cook up and I was so hungry I took bite after bite until I ate almost a whole one! Oh and he likes them with melted cheese, so there was cheese on it too! Damn! They are 18 grams of fat and like 300+ calories. BAD BAD BAD BAD.

    Anyways, well enough excuses and whinning, it is what it is tomorrow, I am very close which I know from weighing myself through the week. If not at goal maybe I can catch up next month or whatever. I will be doing my HIP HOP ABS tonite!

Note to self:           * I can’t wait until the day I am able to shop in normal people’s clothing stores again. *

I am right there… so close.. weigh-in in 2 days and so close to meeting monthly goal but I keep loosing focus. I keep nibbeling at junk foods… today I have had to skip dinner becuase of all the nibbling, theres no room for dinner… I don’t know why I am doing this. I really want to loose the weight and I will be so upset If I dont meet my monthly goal in 2 days………………I cross my fingers for tomorrow.

                    I have been fighting ( and loosing ) temptation all day..Its my day off and I have wanted to ( and have )  munched on junk all day and I have picked at it all day…. I have pigged out today….. not so much in quantity per item, but in the variety of items……………….I’m not even hungry really I just want to pick and nibble at junk food.

                Are you ready, for this………… OMG……………….Here is todays damage: I had a small handful of chips( lays kettle style ) , I had 2 squares of Hershey’s chocolate bar , I had a Betty Crocker Minis dessert , I snacked on about 3 servings of cheezits, I had a big slice off the cheese block, I had two 1/2’s of donuts ( would equal a whole ) OH MY GOD! I had several sips of regular coke and took about 4 bites from my boyfriends Whoper and a handful of fries… HOLY $#!+ ……………..Thats just the junk I munched on, in addition to all that, I had my meals which were, an egg sandwich for breakfast ( no cheese, no yolks, on dry wheat bread - I started the day out just fine ) and for dinner I had Stove Tops serving of Classic Oven Bake Chicken ( stuffing with gravy and chicken breast )

                 At this rate my weigh-in in 3 days is going to be disasterous! I will wind up having gained weight, but I just couldnt control myself today. I wanted all the junk food sooo bad! I wanted more! I cross my fingers and hope to be good tomorrow!!!!! I feel awful about it, I knew I would with every bite.. I want to undo it all… I wish I could take it all back but I can’t. I literrally want to cry myslef to sleep becuase I know this has just put a damper on my diet…..WHY DID I DO IT???    WHY DO I DO THIS???? I WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT SOOOO BAD, WHY IS IT SOO HARD? SHOULDN’t WANTING TO BE THISN -HATING THE WAY I LOOK BE ENOUGH TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE JUNK FOOD?

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

About 5 days left to weigh in… thats about all I have to write about. So close to weigh in and the scale is playing games on me… I have been really close to my 1200 calories daily, I have worked out every day almost for the last week & 1/2 but the scale wants to teeter back and forth! One day it showed I had gained a pound WTF! HOW? Then today its back to normal ( THANK GOD! ) but weigh in just around the corner and I have not lost any additional weight UUUUGGGGHHHH.

I want to be at exactly a 20 pounds loss by the 31st. Then I would be right on track and be at a total of 20 pounds lost since I started… we’ll see. I have nothing else to write my mind is stuck on this .. I seemed to have reached another plateau in weight….. ERRRRRRRRRRR….

One day at a time, thats all we can do. One little day at a time. Every day is a new battle, its hard to eat the right foods, hard to get physical and excercise, hard to say no to temptations and hard to keep going. But we keep doing it, we keep fighting day by day… And day by day we get closer and closer to our goals.

But like an addict we live in fear of regressing. Fear of loosing ourselves in to temptaion and loosing control and going back to the way it was and having to start all over……..It is a very hard battle, the battle and addiction with food….

Keep faith and keep going…we can do it! Like addicts we can overcome this addiction to food if we try.

Every day that passes I feel sooooo much better about myself. I am just over a 15 pounds loss all together and close to and trying to get to actual 20 lb loss by the end of the month but I just can’t tell you how good I feel!  I feel healthier, more energetic and for the first time today I actually felt more attractive!

I am still fat I know, I still do hate the way I look overall and I have like 80 pounds to go but honestly it feels so good knowing I am on the path to reaching my goal closer and closer by the day! Every day I am one day closer! It feels so good to know that I am finally doing something about htis miserable weight.

Last night was great! I not only chopped needed firewood ( its been my mini daily workout ) but I ALSO worked out to my new HIP HOP ABS Video! I’ve been waiting for the motivation to get up and actually seriously work up a sweat! I probably only worked off about the extra 1/2 of that chocolates and dinner seconds I had last nite but hey - thats better than nothing… And can you guess what I’ll complain about tonite? You guessed, I had MORE chocloates and too much dinner serving AGAIN! I’ll be working out again tonite… I should be just at about 1200 calories still yet , so I hope the rest of the nite turns out well.

First of all, Thanks for all your support! I need it in order to help keep motivated. I don’t have alot of time to spend here at night and I can’t always visit all your blogs  or respond right away when I get home so if i haven’t said it already - THANK YOU to all!

Today has gone as usual, the old broken record…. the day went just great, I ate good , suffered all day with hunger ( YES- HUNGER becuase I always want to eat! Even if I just ate, I still feel hungry! I guess thats how I got this big! ) anyways, as usual I have came home, I have cooked up a healthy dinner meal, which is actually Tostadas made of baked corn tortillas, low fat canned pinto beans and pico de gallo, with lettuce and tomatoes and  with very light cheese. ( I DONT COUNT CARBS- DON’T WORK FO ME ) YUMMY! however as I was saying its a broken record story becuase I went back for seconds, of course. And then a family member brought over a late Christamas gift, it was FERRERO Chocolates, the assorted box and YEP I had  4 of them 2 hazelnut and 2 coconut, which is a serving and FYI is a whopping 230 calories and 16 grms of fat !!!!! OOOHHHHH!!! I think I am just above 1200 calories today so I better stop now and so AGAIN I have not remained at or under goal. ( 1200 cal / 20 g. Fat)

Another week till weigh in.. I know, I say it everyday but I am exited. I feel like I might not quite reach goal but I am very hopeful! However I am very exited for pictures! I want to post my very own BEFORE and AFTER pictures! Thats what got me motivated in the first place!

Its been lots of work and ups and downs, but it does seem time has gone by quickly. Its been almost 2 months and I have lost almost 20 pounds! WOW! If I never would have started when I did I wouldn’t be where I am at today! I do have a long ways to go yet but time just goes by and rather than having just remained the same day after day or gaining weight, I let time flow by me while loosing weight ……

When I step on the scale I have to step off and back on just to be sure that I am not imagining things! I have to think hard to remember what my starting weight was when I  started becasue I just am so amazed and happy that I’m so close to 20 pounds just GONE!  No one has made any weightloss comments, which is odd, and my clothes doesnt feel much difference, but I guess its becasue I was just THAT BIG that its hard to tell a 20lb difference but the scale proves it!

For all the beginners out there, all I can say is stick to it, 2 months from now you too will stare at the scale in awww and wonder if your dreaming , but you won’t be, it will be real, you will have really lost the weight! The sooner you start, the sooner you will see your results!

So today we were out and about and I had a Carls Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburger, yep thats right, all 700 calories of it ( according to Nutrition Facts ) and a handful of fries and a little Coke with that…..And now, I am paying the price of being Super hungry and not wanting to eat so that I still stay within my calories range.. ughh. ( NOT SURE ABOUT FAT GRAMS - LOTS I’M SURE! )

 In the morning I had had 9 Baked chips with a bowl of salsa and 1/2 slice toast. I think that was it…. then the Carls Jr food later on and since I have had just a plain hotdog bun, no meat, just a bun… I was suppose to workout but between juggling kids & bills its too late now…. I’m very hungry and my stomach feels real acidy so I might just have to go and have a few crackers before I go to bed…. Damn Burger! But it was sooooo good…..

Yesterday went well overall, didnt work out ( AGAIN ). Food choices were good but I think I munched on a little something prior to going to bed but I dont remember now ( THATS WHY I NEED TO FILL THE FOOD JOURNAL IN ! ) So as long as I go to bed with no more than a handful of crackers I think I can live with myself and still look forward to weighing in at the end of the month. Tomorrow wil go much better.. I splurged a bit today, am paying the price of HUNGER ,  so I should make pretty good choice tomorrow, maybe even get a workout in !

      Thats right! I am excited! I am not quite sure if I will have reached the goal ( 10 lbs a month ) but its going to be close if not! I can’t wait to take new pics and post some before and after pics and record a new weight! I have lost about 15 pounds since starting on November 30th…… Its been a hard road and I have a long ways to go but I am sooo glad I started when I did and that I have came this far! I feel so much better about myself already. I have the ups and downs, we all do but I am gald that I have remained determined and stuck to it through it all!

I just got my Hip Hop Abs Workout Video and I hope that will inspire me to workout more and loose the weight even faster and tone up and get ready for shorts this summer! Thanks to all for all your suport, tips and motivation!!!!