Diabla

I have not been on for a few days… thought I would report that I fell off the boat and am barely hanging on…any second I could let go and just fall completely off… The positive- I have not gained weight. The Negative, I have not lost any either. Most of my meals have still been healthy, low fat and low cal but I have slowly developed the munchies for bad snacks & stuff.. I find myself picking at Fries, taking about 4-5 bites from a cheese burger when I said I would have one, taking drinks from non diet soda, snacking on a handful of cookies, snacking on cheese and so on..

I have not worked out at all this month either. I don’t know what happened. I got sick at the start of the month and stopped working out, then I found out my scale is off by ten pounds and I lost motivation, and I guess alot of other problems and stresses just piled up all at once… Sounds like excuses but thats how it is.. Everyday I say ” OK! ” Tomorrow I will just pick up where I had left off! ” Abd I do start the next day just fine- I eat halthy breakfast, I have healthy lunch, healthy snacks but then I start to snack when I get home ad its all down hill….Dinner is still healthy but the snacking on junk is killing it all.. You’d think that all the other good eating would add up to something, just something. maybe I would get a freebie somewhere along the way and still loose a pound or so, but I don’t, not one little lousey pound will fall off…. not one.

Here I go again :  ” TOMORROW. I WILL START ALL GOOD AGAIN TOMORROW AND WILL BE BACK ON TRACK TOMORROW….”

…………………THE SCALE SAYS I GAINED WEIGHT………………..NEED I SAY MORE?…………………… I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING……………………..YOU CAN GUESS HOW I’M FEELIN’ TODAY………………………………………..

Not surprisingly, I weighed myself this morning and still have lost 0 pounds this month. Everyday is one day closer to the end of the month.

FOODS: Today I had an apple for breakfast……………… cold Turkey wrap for lunch with some baby carrots…………………….. Dinner was Fajitas with corn tortillas and a very light sprinkle of cheese and no sour cream just cooked green peppers and onions with raw lettuce tomato and salss with the lean beef ( about 4oz ) and diet 7up, I did have seconds which I wish I would not have… Later on I took several bites from my boyfriends left over Fajita which was loaded with sour cream and cheese in a regular flour tortilla with some of his fruit punch and I had about 3 bites of a slice of cake in the fridge…. didnt count the calories but I’m gonna guess at or a little over 1200.

Tomorrow is another day, we’ll see how that turns out. I really don’t have any fantastic weightloss or news to report.. I have not been trying hard enough, the eating is decent mostly but there is little to no work out and I simply do not loose weight by dieting alone…………………..   =/

So, as I have mentioned in the past, due to eating disorders I have had throughout life in the past, I now suffer from heartburn or what I have been told as Acid Reflux Disease. I have been fine for about 6-7 years now however the dieting is not helping and I have found myself with some heartburn here and there but last nite was a full blown reminder from the past.. I chewed on a ton of TUMS and fell asleep eating them… It was not fun at all a great reminder to eat right and healthy becasue I do not want to relapse in to that ever again… I had massive pain in my chest that totally imobilized me for the remainder of he nite.. I won’t get in to details, but its not fun, its scary and very very painful.

There are times when I don’t eat enough , others when I eat too much junk and I think that it was a reminder that I need to balance it all out healthfully. Those fries at McDonalds is what did it I’m guessing.. I ate poorly and it was too greasy for my sensitive stomach. With my diet my stomach has gotten very sensitive again. So anyways, thats how my night ended last nite…

Today for lunch I had a bowl of left over pasta from the other day, was a good size bowl and some white skinless chicken meat, about 4oz…. They handed out little popcorn bags at work at th very end of the day I had a couple handfuls from mine, which was loaded in butter and salt but I really didn’t have alot.  And for dinner, we went to Costco, I wound up having about almost 1/2 of my boyfriends Polish dog, a little of his Reg coke and about 1/3 of the kid’s cheese pizza slice. So I have came home and skipped dinner, but I did have 9 baked corn chips with a little pico de gallo.

We’ll see how tomorrw goes and we’ll see if I can get back to loosing any weight again!

Not on my period or anything, just feel heavy and bloated today.. Maybe becuase its 6:05 pma nd i have reached my 1200 calories already ( ugghhh how will I ever make it thru the nite ??? ) and have exceeded my Fat intake, I probaly had close to 40 fat grams today…!!!!! .. I really hope I stop eating now, but I will likely have a bowl of Cheerios and milk before 8 pm.

I did the Journal today- FINALLY! Today was a granola Bar  for breakfast 130/5……………Apple for snack  210/0………………..lunch, it was my day to eat out for lunch and I chose MdDonalds.. I know I know, but I had a Grilled Club with no dressing or cheese, a small diet Coke and I swore I would not have fries, but I did get a small one, then I swore I would only eat 1/2 but I ate the whole thing ( paying the price with heartburn now! ) so the frees really screwed me up today with calories and fat… but still yet…. I came home and have munched here and there from leftovers and I tallied it all up and I am sitting right around 1200 calories.. Not too bad for having ate out… I will try really hard for a workout tonite, I just feel, fat lazy and unmotivated again. all could be worse, I have not lost any weight this month but haven;t been trying hard enough to since I had gotten sick.. One of these days soon need to kick it in gear and try to make upfor lost time.

Thanks for all the tips yesterday, I plan on trying them! The 100 calorie thing and hard boiled eggs… etc!   =)

I always want to eat. Even when I’m not hungry I want to eat. I want to taste the different flavors and textures of food. This is what makes dieting so hard for me. On top of it all,  I am the type of person that never feels full. When I do get full, I’m hungry not long after.. even when I wasn’t dieting, I would always have the urge to want to keep eating. Why?

Today has gone OK, not as good as I would hope, as usual but still OK. I had Buffalo for the first time.. was on sale so I tried it for dinner. It was ok. Had lowfat Pasta and a little crab to go with it. Breakfast had been a banana and a rice cake, lunch was a peanut butter sandwich and some shrimp I picked up when buying the buffalo…. tonite I have also has 1 cup Honey Cheerios with 1/2 cup 1% milk. I never counted the calories, probaly over 1200 but thats ok… I really need to focus on doing the food journal, I just am bored with it. My last major weightloss, prior to my kids was journalized and doing it this time around seems so repetitive and disappointing that I am having to do it again..I should have never gained all this AND SOME weight back in the first place…

Today has been sluggish. Still a little bummed form yesterdays scale.. The day started ok as usual but dinner led to a little bit of a bigger than should have servings. Alfredo pasta ( made lowfat from box ) and white chicken meat with veggies and a small side of bread… I went back for seconds…. ( of course! ) For dessert I had a Betty Crocker Warm Delights  ( mini ) and I hope I can stop now.

I may or may not work out tonite, I plan to but we’ll see.. I’ve been a little mopey and still getting over the last of my cold, looking at the calander watching the days go by thinking that its a very short month and I likely may not see the goal I’d like to at the end of the month, we’ll see.  I have lost a little motivation as I have wasted the last week or so, and feel like a fat cow, especially since finding I weigh 10 pounds more than I had thought…. weightloss still the same, it has just made me feel really fat, I really don’t even notice then 20 pounds loss. BUt I know its there, the scale proved it again this morning… I just don’t see it.

UGHHH!!! So… I went to a doctor’s visit today, of course I had to weigh in and on their scale I weight 10 pounds more than I do at home on mine!!! UUGGHHH!! NO, I didn’t gain 10 pounds, ( THANK GOD! ) our scale is just old and broken and all along I really weigh 10 pounds more than I had thought…. that means I actually weighed 246 when I started ( OMG!!! ) and now weigh 226….. All along thinking I weighed 236 when I started and thinking I weigh 216 now….

So disappointing… that means all in all theres an extra 10- pounds I need to loose still somewhere at some point… Well I am not changing all my stats, I still consider myself 216 pounds and that just means that my ending goal will just need to be 10 pounds less, which , confusingly in the real world and any body elses scale will not really be  that weight… errrrrr… I’m glad I weighed myslef this morning and knew exactly what I weighed at home or else I would have have been very confused at the doctor’s office!!!

I am getting over my cold and its time to catch up for the last few days.. I have not been eating well ( healthy ) at all and have not excercised at all. The last few days I was not eating healthy but I wasn’t eating much. Today. well thats another story I didn’t eat well and I ate alot…

The day started out ok.. 1/2 slice of toast with a very small side of scrambled eggs…………….. For lunch I made a homemade salmon patty with light cheese, grilled onions, lettuce ,tomatoe, pickles, lite mayo on a wheat bun.  However, we then went to Walmart and everything went down hill…. My boyfriend insisted on a 1/2 dozen bavarian cream filled donuts, of which I wound up having 2 !!! I also made him Sloppy Joes and I ate 1/2 of one! I also had 2 plain sesame seed fresh hamburger buns from the bakery.  I had a slushi in a cup. I had a few slices of cheese and I think I had a small handful of chips…. yea lots!

I am very embarrassed to be writing all that food however that should teach me not to do that again! If I am too embarrassed to write it, probably means I should be doing it! Well tomorrow hopefully I can start all over again… Whenever this happens its so hard to get back on track….. thats why it shouldn’t happen..at al in the first place. I just have to focus again and it should be ok….

                    With each day it takes us to start a diet, or each day we waste once we are on one, we get further and further from reaching our weightloss goals… each day wasted will take that much longer to get where we want to be. A wasted day turns in to a few…. a few turns in to a few weeks.. a few weeks turns in to months and in many cases before we know it we have lost years!

        Being on my diet and having lost 20 pounds, I have to wonder: WHAT THE HECK TOOK ME SO LONG? If I had started 6 months before I did, I would be at my goal, already, RIGHT NOW! If I had started a year before that, I would have been enjoying a slim body for the last 6 months! And since I started my diet 2 months ago, each day I ate junk and didn’t eat well for the day, is one more dayI have to wait to get to my goal!

No more wasting time! Every time I want to pick up junk food and eat that crap I’ll have to remind myself  that doing that means I have to wait one more day to reach my goal later on!!!!!