Diabla

         3 days left……… I clearly will not reach goals….. ( 10 lb loss  goal )

                          This month I actually gained 5 pounds! Then I lost them, THANK GOD! But now I sit teetering back and forth on 1 actual pound loss since last month..While I am very glad I lost the 5 I had gained back ( which by the way didn’t take much at all to gain back ) I still am sad that I a am yet again behind.. I am striving very very hard to try to be at a 5lb loss at least by the end if the month but there was a Birthday and there was pizza and there was cake and there was left overs the following day!!!! yep. you guessed. I ate.

             To make up for lost time I now have been on an extreme diet the last few days but have been pulling long work hours so no time to excercise.. On the day of the birthday I actually planned ahead and ate only fruits all day and then had Cake and Pizza at the party- but I had quite a bit! seconds & thirds! No self control. The next day, I had lots of fruits and veggies and a can of soup for lunch but came home and had leftover cold pizza and a big piece of cake ( thats right- a nice BIG one)… But  can anyone see the effort here??? I tried!  It could have been worse-riiiiiggghhht?

      Anyhow, now its definately crunch time… my goals since late Novenber have been 10 pounds per month, with 1 month where I had not lost anything. Now this month-we’ll see.. all along I have said I will catch back up that mont where there was 0 loss- but instead I am now further behind… To think-if I had not wasted anytime, in just a few short days I would be 20 pounds lighter! There would be a total 70 pound loss vs the 50. that means I would weigh 165 not 185…..20 pounds! 20 additinal pounds that could have been gone! gone ! gone!

                               Just days after proudly posting raves on continued weightloss, I am sad to announce I have been struggling to stay on track this month and things are not going well…………The scale teeters back and forth as the hard worked off  pounds want to acrue back on.

                                          I don’t know why but I continually am making bad food choices everyday… not all but most. ** I know I shouldn’t eat it as I think about. I know I shouldn’t eat it as I go to get it. I know I shouldnt eat it as I pick it up. I know I shouldnt eat it as I am eating it. And I regret having eaten after I have devoured it . Then - I also know I shouldn’t have ate any of it at all as I do it all over again. **

But I cant stop… I cant control myself. Hopefully confessing will embarass me to start fresh again all over again. I feel fat, ugly, bloated and very diasspointed in myself…I hope I can stop now and alls not lost this month.. Unless I kick back in to action strongly I will likely not meet goals at the end of the month, which is already behind schedule from having fallen off track during another prev. month..

Its just now summer. I have been so exited at the weight loss and eager to reach goals plus there will likely be a family gathering next month in which I was hoping NOT to awww everyong with my Fatness……. most of them I havent seen for a few years- I was horrified if at that thought that they migt see me he way I was but i didnt want them to see me quite this big eiher!!! I have lost weight but I am still by far quite a cow!Still bigger than any of them remember seeing me! Every pound counts and I want to loose as much as possible by then, instead i spent this month - 13 days of it so far- not loosing a pound or inch and perhaps even gaining some- and wasting time towards weight loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHY????????????

OK.    ((((((((( Deep breath )))))))))   I will get back on track tomorrow and by the end of the month be caught back up to where I need to be-another 10 lbs lost.

Success again! I am proud to announce that I weigh in at 186lbs! Still have a ways to go, but I have come a long ways! Lots of hard work and dedication…. There really is just no easy way-you have to just want it.. I struggle at times but overall the mind power gets easier & the healthy eating becomes a habit….

People are starting to notice and comment, it feels really good. Of course I try not to absorb too much of the goodness because I’m not done yet! Someone asked me today how I was doing it, I was honest :   “No pills, no drinks, no surgery-just excercise and eating small healthy meals-the good ‘ole fashioned ,slow, boring way.”    They weren’t impressed with the answer- I think they were hoping I had found or come up with something quick and cool- nope - I wish! But really I have not. Its been 6 long months and I have about 6 more to go. But I am so glad I started when I did, if not I may be sitting here still wishing I had……..

Well I hope to continue my journey until I reach my goals, monthly I’ll post my success and maybe in between and I cross my fingers not to fall off the wagon. But I do fall sometimes, often enough but the key is to just get back on and move forward! Don’t give up- ONE pound at at time is etter than zero. Luck to all!