Diabla

Thats right.. its been a long slow bumpy road and I fell off, again. I have struggled and have not lost any weight this month, again. In fact last time I checked, I had gained a couple pounds…How could I… After all that hard work… I know, I know… I have let everyone down…

My excuse? I got discouraged. I reached a plateau and the scale would not budge… For weeks it did not move… I even begain to excercise at leats 30 if not 60 minutes a day and the scale was stuck. Not a pound lost. It didn’t and doesn’t make sense. I counted calories, I got real serious and nothing. I got depressed and I was triggered back into my food addiction. Yes-ADDICTION-I am addicted to food… for some its alcohol, others its drugs, me its FOOD. Seriously it consumes my mind, I crave it, I phene it ,I want it , I mess without it and if I let myself go I can OD on it!

I started small, cheating here and there… then the full meals slowly got bigger and less healthy until yesterday I realized it was back! My addiction and obese ways were back… If I did not control it quickly I might never get control again…

I started over again today. The month is gone and lost now…The day at least went well until…………………….: 1 serving fish crackers ( 52 ) , 1 plain hotdog bun ( free hotdogs at work - no meat for me ) diet soda & lots of water. I got off work @6:30 I was STARVING-I stopped for a diet soda at the store, picked up a black plum to snack, I had all intentions to come home and make a healthy chicken burrito with cilantro, tomotoes, onions etc.. it was all planned out in my mind, the plum was suppose to tide me over while i prepared my burritio when BAMMMMM! I walk in the door and theres a large pepperoni pizza on the table! OMG! It was cold, it had been there a while , there was little gone, was it going to go to waste…..? I could not help it, I took a slice ( very large slice ) and ate it……. Luckily I stopped at 1 slice.. oh boy. I later had 1 strawberry rice krispie treat (sweets craving ). And there it is.. Now i hope to stay away from food the rest of the nite..The fact that I was good up until that point brings me hope that i can jump on and hang on to that wagon once again… September-here I come!!!!

                                  So I am a little confused….. I am short, 5′3″, I weigh,-we’ll just round to 180….so does anyone know how many Calories my body would naturally burn off in a day as inactive person?  I can’t seem to figure this out-brain fart-or?

       I looked it up on the web , all over, site after site, blog after blog… I found the calculators and everything… these sites are saying, of course as we know, in order to burn 1 pound  you must burn 3,500 cal.. ok got it… thats alot of working out, not achievable in a day…. But how many calories will my body naturally burn in a days worth? Of the 1200 cal. eaten, how many of those will naturally diminish?

             The reason why I question this is that I currently eat around 1200 cal a day and probably like 30 grams of fat or so.. some days I cheat , most I don’t.. I don’t work out alot, but the weight loss is fairly slow and has gotten alot slower.. now these sites with the free calculators are also saying that to ”MAINTAIN” my weight I would eat about 1700-1800 cal a day -WHOOOAAAAAA! And to loose weight I need to reduce cal. intake, the more I reduce, the more I loose, the more workouts I add of course the more I  will loose ( of course never to go under 1200 cal intake ) well DAMN! Then why doesn’t the weight come off quicker?? I am already at the lowest point- 1200 cal a day…… Thats about at least 500 cal less a day, add the workouts and it could be like 700 less per day, x that by 7 days and thats exactly 3500 up to 4900 cal reduce per week… WTF! So add whatever I burn naturally and why isnt the weight coming off lately??

  Anybody good at this math stuff? Does the body just not burn alot of calories per day on its won? Cuz my above calculations is only for food intake and added excercise. What about the days when I am very active and do yard work or run around at work all day and so on…..? Where does all this take play? Am I thinking this too hard..? I am really trying to make logical sense of it all.. I am trying to plan out a steady menu and workout routine so that I can get back to my 10 pound loss per month but without going under 1200 cal a day… I will have to add more workouts, which is hard for me, my time is very limited, but I dont know how much more to add??? ugghhh…. I jknow every bit counts, but I want more precise answer……I have a headache now…I would appreciate any feedback……

   So I’ve really been thinking of picking up a Gym membership…… The scale won’t budge…… I am 25lbs behind goals and have about 50 pounds I still want to loose…. I really want something to jump start everything back in to gear.

      My eating has not changed, I do fairly well at staying around 1200 calories. The working out goes back and forth, I work out daily at times and other times i just let it go for a few days.. With a Gym membership I would have to go or would be wasting my $$.. It would also be a little fun too with the variety of machines and stuff ( now that I’m finally at “decent” size where I am not too embarrassed of others seeing me! ) The hardest part would be making time to go, there is not one where I live so I’m looking at having to include drive times….

   Anyways.. I’m not sure what to do.. I need to keep loosing weight! I started in November 2008 and before I know it will have been a whole a year and I still not at goal! Ughh.. If I dont start loosing this weight I feel myself slowly slipping and getting in to the “ What does it matter anyways? I might as well eat the donut- I don’t loose weight anyways! “  and thats bad bad news when it happens and I have found myself going there a few times recently.. I just get so unmotivated when the scale won’t move on days when I try so super hard!

  Any suggestions on a weightloss boost? Colon cleanse posted all over the web…? Some super fruit or…? A good weightloss program….? No energy pill suggestions please… And I can’t do fasting, never works.. I get a really bad headache and wind up eating more the 1st night than I would have on a normal diet! I need some motivation and some ideas… anyone please.. The scale won’t budge…. Pineapple Pizza and sugar frosted cookies are calling my name and I dont see what the diff is if I just eat them or don’t!! ………!

Gym…….hmmmm……….. would I really go….? Or………..?

                     ..7 more pounds lost for a grand total of 58 pounds in 8 months!!!!!! I am still a little behind but I am still on road towards my goals! I am about 23 pounds behind schedule and have about 50 pounds to go… I WILL GET THERE.

I posted a new pic taken just today, figured it was about time for an update. I started strong last month ranting and raving about an extreme diet plan to loose like 15-20 pounds in the month to make up for some lost time, well it didn’t happen, as you can see I didn’t even hit my usual 10 lb goal but thats OK, I’ll take what i can get and maybe can loose more this month… It seems the farther along I get the harder it gets to loose the weight, I just keep hitting these plateaus even though I still eat right and excercise when I can….. but alls good, slowly but surely I will get there..

 I feel alot better about myself overall. I still am a size 16 to a tight 14 and I can’t wait to shop at normal stores for pants like a size 13 ( most stores like mall only carry up to that size! ) I will love the day I can just shop at any store again! Maybe I wont like the way it looks.. but at least it will fit so I can make a decision!!

I still feel pretty fat, some days more than others, but I’m so glad I’m closer to 175 rather than when I was closer to 240! WOOOOOWW!!! I can’t believe I ever got that big! About 13 pounds to go and I will be at my pre-pregnancy weight ( son just turned 3 ).. I remember thinking I was a COW already when I got pregnant but then I ballooned in to a WALRUS! OMG - I will loose the weight and god help me- NEVER GAIN IT BACK!

; ) Keep you posted!