Diabla

              There will be some , not sure yet how much but some weightlosloss… finally…. thank god!  I actually started off very well this month and thought I would have an awesome month, then not sure what happened but I gained some back, however theres still time to loose a little more…..

It has been very very hard to loose weight…. I still count calories and fat grams. I drink lots of water no juices or sodas ( occasional diet soda ).. no butters or added oils …no mayos or dressings… only lite occasional cheese. No fast foods… no junk foods … I only eat at certain times of the day….. I also go on 1 day all juice & fruit diets throughout the week and yet I  struggle to loose weight…….. I think….. err…. I KNOW, that its because every so often I slip up and BINGE.. i cant stop or control it, its awful, I dont even know why i do it… I will have an awesome day or few but then get home and for no reason at all just out of nowhere BINGE!!! Not everyday, but like once a week…….. I feel so guilty and full of regret afterwards and then feel like whats the point? The day is ruined and I totally binge more! ! In return I gain like 3-5 lbs in like a day!!  In one day I gain what took 2 weeks to loose and will take 3 more to loose all over agian. It doesnt make sense, takes like what- 3,200 cal. or so to loose 1 pound, but 1/2 of that to gain 1 back–??? 

But I know my struggle. I know my problem. I know thats my weekness , blame it on mood-emotions- or….???  I need to take control and stop having these binges.. I have tried everything from reward foods so I dont feel deprived to just giving in a little to a craving so I don’t binge …I have tried eating different foods, even different times of the day … I see how people become bulimic, how easy that would be to undo all that in minutes….. but no no no..

Well as i mentioned earlier… Yes , i am doing 1 day all juice/fruit fasts a couple times a week.. they suck.. I am hungry …. have headaches and am miserable on them but its the only way to reduce my weekly cal intake and get some weightloss in…..  i have not been working out… on top of it I hurt my back and every move hurts or brings an ache back, so i gave it up for now…

I will be back in a few days to report my grand total loss for the month-wish me luck.. those of you just tuning in, I started November 30th 2008 @236 pounds , as of last month was @176 pounds… I need to be 135 or less to be happy ( will be content if i ever get to 160!! ) … I have in the past been 114 …. I have reported little to zero weightloss in like 3 months now…. those of you who have been w/me thru the journey, i will try to be on a little more often, I hope you have not lost faith in me after all the unsuccessful last few months… I have read some of your blogs and I am glad to see some of you are doing great!!